Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
