To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I want to have your abortion
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
