I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
