Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize