it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
