jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
