In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
