He disabled his match.com account in front of me
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
