yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
