she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
