plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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