you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
