I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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