i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
and she was petting her beer can
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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