I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
it glows. i had to have it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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