Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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