I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
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