Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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