Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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