Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Farmville is her only friend.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
