I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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