i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he puts the penis in happiness.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you will always have a special place in my vag
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
