this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
