Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
