so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
