I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So here I am, sexting at work.
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