My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
