I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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