I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
