I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
