They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
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