I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
