She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
