I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize