If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
