speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
