Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
