Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
