I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
