I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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