Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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