Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We are two peas in an std pod
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
