just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize