Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here

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(618): View more from Illinois

Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.

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(949): View more from California

you made cement angels. it was a great sight.

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(419): View more from Ohio

The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.

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(305): View more from Florida

he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.

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(775): View more from Nevada

The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"

(1-775): View more from Nevada

At least you got your shooes

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"

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(415): View more from California

Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.

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