Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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