He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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