is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All the doctor said was why
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
