Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
