O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
