my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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