U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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