he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize