The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
thus making me awesome and them whores
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
