Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
foreskin is a definite game changer
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
