My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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