She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I need to calm my uterus...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
