I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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