did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
