Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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