dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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