Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
