It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think my moral compass just broke
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