also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
