Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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