dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
