My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
