I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize