Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
