you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You're a waste of cheezeits
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
