I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
