The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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