If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize