i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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