my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize