i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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