i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
