When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
