I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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