I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
