are you still at the devil's house?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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