I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
