OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
What a dumb baby whore.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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