Even the bartender felt bad for me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize