So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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