I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize