I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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