Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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