We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
