Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
