I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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