actually, I'm a sock model
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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