I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
