all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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