now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
