Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
