Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
