he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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