Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
