BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
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