Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
