so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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