Hey man sorry I got all grabby
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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