I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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