This is not my ceiling
You can't special order awesome
false alarm. still invincible.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
