I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize