Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
