I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
