Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
