Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
