When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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