is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
