it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
