Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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