Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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