Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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